guys are only as good as the porn they watch
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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