I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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