Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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