somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
