he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
