God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how can u be prego again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
