I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize