How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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