the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
