New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
