Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
