I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize