ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
