She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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