Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
