i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my liver is dry heaving
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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