Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
