Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize