im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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