Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
