I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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