$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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