Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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