you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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