It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
