We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
