A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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