I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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