I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize