Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
