I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish i was in the wii world.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
