MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
