I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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