You're my little dorito
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
