Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
