Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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