i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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