you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
