my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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