You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
