your thong is hanging out like whoa
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im holly from the hills drunk
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
