being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
