nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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