ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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