Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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