I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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