A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
ttyl tear gas
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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