So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
