when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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