Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
