i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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