I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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