She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
