I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
