Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
