Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
