There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
