i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i would punch a child for taco bell
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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