did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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