i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
