I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
