I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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