i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
