this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
