....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
